Apologies/ Help Sudan/ Kwaheri Malava/ Jambo Nairobi/ Life as an Inadequate Athletics Instructor/ New Crib

Rkeller31@yahoo.com
Let me know how much you like the blog/how funny and cool I am/ how much you want to be like me

Apologies
Dear friends,
I sincerely apologize for my lack of blogging as of late. It has been a long while since my last post. My deepest apologies go out to those who are genuinely madat me. I have received many hate emails from former fans of KellerinKenya. blogspot.com, who have vowed never to read another post in protest of my careless, irresponsible, non-blogging ways. Many of the hate emails were from people who severely hate their jobs. These people have been telling me that seeing pictures of me in Kenya makes their work day just a little less miserable. One reader even told me that the Rat Scratch Fever post changed his life. Actually, that's a complete lie. But that be hilarious if it were true.

Save Darfur
Before you go any further, do yourself a favor and check out savedarfur.org, and click on the link that lets you write an email to Dubya telling him that the situation in southern Sudan is out of control, and that the time to act is now. I will try to sum up what has been going on there for a few years in a couple of sentences:

Basically a couple years ago, there were two major rebel army groups who were gaining power and were about to challenge the government. To suppress the rebel uprising, the president hired militis called Janjaweeds, and ordered them to go after any person who shared the same tribal background as the rebels. So basically the Janjaweed has been raping, torturing, and killing anyone they have come in contact with. Hundreds of thousands have been murdered, milllions have been displaced from their homes, either fleeing the country or being put in refugee camps, where International Aid workers have been denied teh chance to help in fear of attacks from the militias.

And tell anyone you keep in touch with to go to this site as well. It takes a few minutes tops. I figured since the only people who read this website are my mom, my sisters, and my old tap dance instructor, we can probably get 15-20 signatures.

(Thanks to Delaware County rock legend Matt Johnson for the link to that site)

Kwaheri Malava/Jambo Nairobi
Anyways, I have a good excuse for why I haven't posted in a while. I actually moved out of Malava. I asked the Sisters if could possibly move to Nairobi, with the hopes of finding my own ministry to volunteer for, and they agreed. I left Malava a few days later for the capital city. I slept on Sandy and Arielle's couch for about 2 weeks, spending most of my time taking showers with running water and studying swahili, then finally found a place in a section of the city called South B. I am staying at NGO's volunteer guest house. So I went from living without running water and good electrcity, to living on a couch/out of a suitcase, to living in a house with running water, electricity, and even television (Kenyan television= awful Kenyan sitcoms and rap videos).

The NGO is called the DKA Support Group, and they actually ran our orientation for the first week that I was in Nairobi. It's hard to explain how many people this organization helps. One of their largest projects, the MSDP (Mukuru Slum Development Project), consists of multiple programs to help the residents of the Mukuru slums. They provide art projects/soccer leagues for the street kids, counseling for people who are HIV positive, and economic empowering projects, giving out loans to help people try to start a business venture (selling produce, clothing, etc). I am help working with MUSA, the Mukuru Sports Association, which basically means I get to play soccer every afternoon.

And in the mornings, I am working at St. Mary's Secondary School, which is located in the Kingston section of the Mukuru slum. I am teaching form 3 (high school juniors) English. The first day was very intimidating, to say the least. I asked that for my first day, I could just sit in class and watch how the teacher conducted his lesson. Unfortunately, like most schools in slum areas, St. Mary's is severely underfunded, and the forty kids in the classroom share 7 text books. That's right: 40 kids, 7 textbooks. So after class, I asked the principal if I could bring in some of my own reading material for the class, and base my lesson around that. He thought it was a great idea, so I went downtown, got online, and printed out 40 copies of the bio of Wayne Rooney, one of the best soccer players in the world.

The kids loved it. I even got 15 good vocab words out of the bio, and they will be quizzed on their definitions next week. So after the first lesson, I let the kids decide who they wanted to read about next. Some suggestions from the students:
-Akon
-Nas
-Ludacris
-Beyonce
-Celine Dion*****
-50 Cent
-Snoop Dog
-UB40*****
-Tupac
-Rihanna

(*****=For some reason that is way beyond my realm of understanding, artist is extremely popular among Kenya's youth, which is simultaneously ridiculous/hilarious)

It was unanimous: Tupac Shakur will the subject of our next lesson. It should be a good time. The kids are great, and I am hoping that it will be a fun semester. The only thing that I am not looking forward to is when, if at all, more textbooks come in and I have to try and teach these kids about transitive verbs, predicate adjectives, and indirect objects.

Here are some good shots I have of life in Malava. I have to admit, I have already started miss the place. It is an absolutely beautiful village. Rural life is very laid back and easy, and I grew accustomed to the simple lifestyle. Life in Nairobi is basically the opposite of life in Malava. The most noticeable differences, besides the option of showering, is the sights. The people of western Kenya are extremely poor, but they live on acres of farmland, growing their crops, and they have nice little huts, and their nice, chill lifestyle. You wouldn't notice the abstract poverty without working directly with the villagers for an extended period of time.

In Nairobi, however, the poverty is unbelievably blatant: the pollution, the overcrowdedness, the street kids/homeless people everywhere on the streets/the milllions of people forced to live in the horrific conditions of the slums. Walking around Nairobi is quite the experience. I feel blessed that I am getting the chance to experience both the rural life and the urban life of Kenya.

I'll shut up now. Enjoy the view.

This is Samuel. He is the night security guard at the St. Julie Center. His job is to sit in a shack next to the Center from 6pm-6am every night. Interesting fact about Samuel: he has multiple wives. I heard he's looking for another, so if any of you ladies back home are interested, I'll put in a good word.

One of Malava's busiest intersections

Cows doing what they do best: hangin out (that tree is damn cool)

My neighbor's hut

Father and son herding cattle



Take your idea of what a dive bar is and throw it out the window. Then again, that's if you consider this a bar. It's basically a shack made of mud, manure, and wood, that has a guy sitting in a corner selling beer

Dusk in Malava was always a sight to behold

Life as an inadequate athletics instructor

I have been getting many requests to post some shots of my glory days as assistatant basketabll coach at Malava Boys Secondary School. I remember talking about how we didn't have a basketball net to play with, so we just played keep away every day. To everyone's suprise, the school put a net up a couple of weeks before the final tournament in Kakamega. We didn't make to the provincial torunament, because we placed 6th in Kakamega, and only the top 4 teams make it. But the season was a blast. The students at Malava Boys were some of the coolest kids I have ever met.

This is actually a pic of a bunch of students. Malava Boys hosted track and field events one Saturday morning, so I went over to support the squad.




This Bolton, Jack, Mikey, Walter, and two kids from the field hockey team.

Very cool shot taken by one of my players

This is the head coach Abner making a weird face

One thing that I felt was necessary for the guys to learn is tap drills. It's when you have two lines, one line on each side of the rim. The first guy, standing right under the basket, throws the ball off his side of the backboard and runs to the back of the line, so the guy behind him can catch the ball in mid air and do the same. Sounds pretty easy right? I wish I had this on video. Basketballs were flying over fences, into trees, and even hitting volleyball players on the field next to us in the face. To maintain some type of order, Abner and I decided that the person responsible for messing up the tap drill was required to do ten push ups

This is me starting tap drills. See that ball flying in the distance behind the basket? Yea, lots of push ups were handed out that day

This me laughing because I messed up the tap drill and had to do ten push ups. I was laughing to hide the deep fear that I wouldnt be able to do ten push ups

This is me about to buckle after push up number 3. The kid to the right of me is named "fat". He was the self-proclaimed "fatest kid in all of Kenya." Fat actually told me that when he finishes secondary school, he is moving to New Orleans to live with his uncle, and is going to see if he can make it as a competitive eater.

Alan striking a pose

Chesoli just realizing that he's going to have to do ten push ups.

This is me generously sharing my vast knowledge of basketball with one of the youngins. The kids knew I was the real deal the second I stepped onto the court (court= patch of dirt and rocks). Any time I spoke, they listened intently, knowing how profound every word that came out of my mouth was.

Me: "you see, Kelion, the key to a balanced offensive attack consists of two things: motion and spacing. If all of the offensive players are standing around in the same area, it will be easy for the defense to take control. But if all five players are spread out and moving the ball quickly, the defense will be caught off guard, giving us chances for open shots and even lay ups."

Kelion: "your hair is disgusting."

(awkward silence)

Me: "Give me 5,000 push ups."


New Crib

Ok, so that whole thing about living in the DKA house was just a hoax. I just wanted my mom to think I had a nice, safe place to live while in Nairobi. I actually got a new place by myself. Given that I'm a man with style and class, and I wanted my house to exude those qulaities. The price is irrelevant. What I want, I get. The landlord thought he was going to boss me around and give me a MUZUNGU price, but I said "EH BUANA, SI TAKI (Hey Mister, I don't want) MUZUNGU PRICE!" AFter that line, he knew I meant business. I got a good deal shortly afterwards. Check out the new estate

Kuku/ Webuye Falls/ Rescue Dada

Kukus
Ok so this pic is of me holding the first two kukus (swahili for chickens) that we had as pets. I know it looks like I am holding a mutated two-headed kuku, but there are definitely two kukus there, they are just tied together. The one on the right was named Henjamin Franklin, and the one on the left was named Punky Rooster.
Unfortunately, we no longer have either kuku. Henjamin died a horrible death with an intestinal infection, at least that's what Maurice told us she had. Everyone took this pretty hard, but especially Punky. He was lonely without his lady friend. A few days after the funeral, Punky mysteriously vanished, and by "vanished" I mean "became dinner for the neighbors who live behind us." (seriously, our neighbors stole him and ate him).

Webuye Falls

Arielle came down to Malava with her sister and cousin, who were visiting from the states. She wanted to show them where we work, and also the beauty of western province. Webuye is a tiny village about 15 kilometers north of Malava, and supposedly there is a spot where they have great waterfalls. We found them after a forty minute walk from the bus stop

This shot is great. Rain season in western province is crazy. Rain can literally be pouring on your right shoulder, while the left side of your face is getting roasted by the hot sun

Me and Ar

Rescue Dada
The ST. Julie Center was closed for two weeks so the head therapists could go on home visits, so I decided to head to Nairobi. I had the pleasure of visiting Sandy and Arielle where they work. It is called Rescue Dada and is a center that helps girls from the streets/slums. Fortunately for me, I visited on field day, so I thought I was going to be able to show the youngins some of my football skills. I was way off.


Here I am being very upset because it was totally my turn to punt the ball and that selfish little brat stole it from me

This is me completely lacking in ball-handling skills and using the strong-arm technique on a 13 year-old girl to cheat my way to victory

The shot is was taken literally one second before I fell over and started crying. (side note:did anyone notice the girl in the background doing the Monty Python high step?)

Sandy getting a piggy-back ride

Arielle and one of her babies

Coolest girls ever

Rescue Dada

Here I am struggling to pick up a 40-pound girl

For this shot, Arielle told me to pick one of the girls up, but this time don't make a stupid face. I wasn't listening

Home Visits

So Tim and I have had the privilege of being invited as guests to the homes of some of our friends. It is an amazing experience to see how many Kenyans live.

The first home we visited belonged to Maurice. The place where I stay is on the local catholic church grounds, so the pastor, Fr. Paul, is my landlord, and Maurice is one of his handymen. Maurice is a great guy and is always willing to help me and Tim with anything. He invited to his home in the village of Shitoli, and we happily accepted. He lives pretty far away, on the other side of Kakamega, so we went early on a Sunday.

The second home we visited belonged to a fellow co-worker named Tom. He runs the farm at the St. Julie Center, and also works on the farm at the Sisters' house. He lives in a village called Misungu, which when pronounced sounds exactly like MUZUNGU, which I hear every time I leave the house, because it means "white man" (for example: "Hey muzungu, your red hair is scaring my child. Please go away so I can tell her that the devil has left"). Anyways, the village isn't too far from Malava, probably 15 kilometers at the most.

I don't know if I have explained this already, but Kenya's western province is mostly rural, so there are only a few paved roads in the ENTIRE province. I happen to live right off one. The roads don't have names, they just take the name of the big towns they pass by, so I live on Kakamega-Eldoret Road. Now, even when you are travelling down a paved road, you hardly see anything. Every couple of kilometers you will pass a row of stores in one of the bigger villages like Kakunga, Shamalamala, or even good ole Malava. As you might expect, the area gets unbelievably secluded when you travel off one of the paved roads. We call anywhere off the main road "inside" or "the interior". Before coming to Kenya, I thought Pottstown was the middle of nowhere. I was wrong.

Tom's house is about 10 kilometers inside, which compared to other villages isn't that far. Maurice's place was pretty deep though. His lives about 30 kilometers down "the road", then 15 kilometers inside, then when you reach a fork in the path, you go left and proceed another 10 kilometers.

The cool thing about the interior is that everything is so scenic. Everywhere you turn, there is an amazing landscape. I am lucky enough to have mountains, valleys, rivers and streams, etc. all within walking distance from where I stay. Another cool thing about the interior is seeing people LOSE THEIR MINDS when they see some freakish looking red-haired muzungu walking by their hut and talking to them in Swahili. I mean, I get stares and funny looks in Nairobi, one of the largest and most modern cities in all of Africa. You wouldn't believe the reactions I get from people who live 30 kilometers away from the nearest electrical line.

Both visits were a blast. We got to walk around and see a decent amount of both Shitoli and Misungu. Both men have great families, and live in huts on large farms that they share with their brothers. I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that I was sitting in a hut drinking beer and eating freshly slaughtered chicken, while live chickens ran around the hut while we ate. Most of the day involved walking around and playing with the kids

This pic was taken on the walk to Maurice's house. Rural Kenya is beautiful

Last night's dirty dishes and tomorrow night's dinner

Next week's dinner. Don't cry, I am just kidding. Maurice has guard dogs to protect his family and farm at night, and they had some pups

Here's a pic of me with Maurice's (from left) neighbor, mother, brother, Maurice himself, wife, and children. It's probably hard to spot me in the picture. I am in the back row, second-in on the right

Me and the kids

This is one of the coolest things I have seen since coming to Africa. On the walk back to the main road from Maurice's home, we heard what sounded like a drum circle in the distance. Maurice knew exactly what it was and decided that it was something Tim and I had to see. ANy idea what these kids are doing?????

The answer is collecting termites. Kenyans uses termites for food, because they are great sources of protein. So what these kids do to collect termites is first dig holes in the ground. Then they sit around and bang on the ground with sticks, and every so often pour water down the holes, giving the termites the impression that it's raining outside. This makes the termites come up from the ground, and they kids catch them and sell them at the market. Very very cool.

Trying out the local delicacy

I got the feeling that me eating one of their termites made their day

Tom and Tim on our walk through the village of Misungu

Here's a girl I met in the village. I told her before I leave Kenya, this muzungu will come back to Misungu and give her this picture.

Tom's cousin, daughter, and wife

Tom's brother and nephew, workin hard

And here are Tom's nieces and nephews:

"Remember when you were young? You shone like the sun."

-Pink Floyd

Vacation

So for Easter, the staff of the St. Julie Center had off on Good Friday and the next Monday. That’s a four day weekend right there. And the following weekend, the volunteers were meeting in Nairobi for a two-day retreat. We figured this would be the best time to take a vacation, so we decided on Mombasa. I was praying Mombasa was going to be a good time, because this meant Tim and I would be taking a 9-hour bus ride to Nairobi then immediately getting on another 9-hour bus ride from Nairobi to Mombasa.

Mombasa is the third largest city in all of Kenya. It is a port city that sits on the Indian Ocean. It’s origin dates back to the 16th Century, when it was ruled by the Portugese. You can’t really see the influence though, because after the Portugese were ousted, the Arabs took over. This you can see. The city is almost entirely Muslim (you literally can’t walk 10 feet without seeing a mosque). For as nice as it is, it’s very cluttered and very hot, not unlike Nairobi, so we decided to go elsewhere.

We took a bus north from Mombasa about two hours, and landed in a tiny village called Watamu. Watamu is Swahili for “sweet”, and sweet it was. White beaches and clear water: all I need. Watamu is a resort town that hosts many European vacationers, but mostly Italians. It is funny to walk down a street in Kenya and see signs for authentic pasta and fresh gelato. It is also funny to walk by a group of Kenyan kids who all scream “Chao” at you. What isn’t funny is seeing fat old Italian men wearing speedos and fanny packs. That almost ruined my vacation.

We stayed in a little guest house for five days at an unbelievably good price (each of us paid less than 20 bucks). We went snorkeling, sight seeing, and visited the Gede Ruins. Gede Ruins is a 12th Century Swahili village that was mysteriously abandoned some 600 years ago due to unknown causes. It is now a National Museum, and the ruins are heavily overgrown with indigenous forest trees. Supposedly there is no record of this area ever existing. It was just found deep in the forest by accident. Pretty cool

To be honest, it was weird to see so many Muzungus. I have been accustomed to be one of the only Muzungus in a 30 kilometer radius. It was also weird how we were treated. This tiny village depends solely on tourism, so the people there are extra nice to you. So we didn’t have to worry about our safety, which was a first since I have come to Kenya. And since we know a little bit of Swahili, the people were extra cool to us. Overall it was a great time. I basically just bummed around for an entire week, and loved every second of it.

I forgot to mention that I am now officially a resident of Kenya. My work permit passed right before the trip, which was perfect because I now get a discount on many things that tourists have to pay full price for. Ok enough with the small talk, enjoy the pics

Here are some pics I took on the bus ride from Nairobi to Mombasa

Tiny village with mountains in the background

These people are sitting at their "Kiosks", which are stands that they sell their produce from


No matter where you go in Kenya, you cannot escape extreme poverty

Gede Ruins

The Great Mosque of Gede

So on the way out of the ruins, we saw this sign. We took the sign's advice and decided not to feed any monkeys we saw. Instead, if we saw any, we were going to break up some bread and throw it at them, just to see what they would do

Silly monkeys

Mama monkey and her baby

Here is a shot of me with two members of the celebrasated Masaii tribe. Although, I am highly skeptical of the authenticity. Members of Masaii are nomadic people who base thier lives around cattle, to the point that one of their favorite cocktails is a mixture of milk and cow blood. You really wouldn't find Masaii hanging out on the main street of a resort town. Another giveaway: I saw the guy on the right wearing a Hulk Hogan shirt and doing "the worm" at the dance contest at the local club the night after this pic was taken

And these next shots answer why Watamu is a great spot for vacation

In closing:

- Two horrendous 18-hour bus rides (Kakamega to Mombasa and back):
3,000 shillings
(That’s my “somebody just kill me and end my misery” face)

-Resident entrace fee to the Gede Ruins:

100 Shillings

-Resdient fee for snorkeling:

1,000 Shillings

-One bottle of aloe gel for my mangled foot:

150 shillings

(result of severe sunburn and kicking the coral reef while snorkeling)

-Seeing fat old Italian men in speedos :

Permanent mental scarring

(pic was too explicit for this family-oriented website)

-Jumping off the roof of a boat named "Ali-Baba" into the Inidan Ocean:

Priceless