So they have an ice skating rink in Nairobi. My Irish roomates were making plans to go, so I decided to join them. Stepping on the ice felt very weird. I haven't been ice skating since probably grade school. I haven't even been in an ice skating arena since I got kicked out of the last Bonner-O'Hara game I went to at the Skatium.
The crew: Tressa, Elaine, Ashleigh, Brian Boitano, and Lisa
Nothing flashy, just showing the ladies some skills.
This is a technique I mastered as a youngin. It's called "eating ice"
This pic here is of Tressa making fun of me for having to use Mr. Happy-Penguin-Ice Skating-Helper
Best of Fanmail pt.II
I now bring you some more excerpts from my favorite emails
1) "How long is your hair? Do you still wear sunscreen? If you got the movies, did you watch 300 yet? If so, did you think it was as incredibly badass as I did? If so, did you think the part when he kicks the dude down the hole was the most badass of all?"
-- Laura Murphy, Annunuciation basketball "B team" lifer
(long enough to be gross, no more sunscreen, I watched 300, it's incredibly badass, and I love it when the king kicks the Persian messenger down the hole. And I officially apologize for the "B team" shout out)
2) "."
-- John Kiely
(still no word from Kiely)
3) "Who is this??"
-- John Kiely, when I called him on Memorial Day to reprimand him for having yet to email me
4) "So I just saw that movie The Last King of Scotland. Anyway, the dictator tells the Scottish guy that Africans find red hair "disgusting." The nerve of thes people! We are unique Keller, we are not freaks. 60 year old women would kill for my hair, and their husbands want to commit adultery with me. Don't let it get ya down."
--Meg "Peg the Chicken Leg" Carrol
(Thanks for the support Meg. But while you hair is indeed the lovliest, I have to admit, my 6 month old quasi-mullet actually is quite disgusting)
5) "Keller, my adventurous-Kenyan-formerboozebuddy-nowpeoplehelper-hotredheaded-friend, I am obsessed with your blog. You almost inspired me to start a blog, but then I remembered that I got my digital camera stolen."
--The beautiful Virginia Genevieve Reardon
6) "I need to get myself a little shanty shack of my own like the beautiful one you came across. Question: do you now refer to yourself as Keller the cheetah shackman? Because I do."
--Chatam Park Dunkball Demi-God Brian Kane
(No Kane, I don't refer to myself as Keller the cheetah shackman. There is something about self-proclaimed nicknames that I find very cheesy. Dudes who give themselves nicknames are the same type of dudes who have web logs. Oh wait....)
7) "Do you have some sort of email address? I know, I know.......first mud hut on the right, 30 paces north of the watering hole, some village, Africa?"
--Havertown all-star Stephanie Campetti
(Your boyfriend TJ has my address, he sends me love letters on a monthly basis)
8) "I love that blog title man."
--Steven W. Shea: Man of the People/Social Work Extraordinaire/One Hell of a Model American
9) "Hey is this the email address where we can make fun of Andrew Murray and get it posted online?"
--Kevan "Baby Mullet" Iffrig
(This is indeed that email address. Spread the word)
10) "That Steve Shea guy sounds like a real class individual; on the other hand, that Andrew Murray kid sounds like a real loser."
--anyone who has read my blog that doesn't know Steve Shea or Murrdawg
(I couldn't agree more)
11) "Shea, what a great guy. Murray what a loser."
--anyone who has read my blog that knows both Shea and the Murrdiggitron
(once again, I couldn't agree more)
12) "Just writing you this letter to inform you that I was reading an article in Time magazine and I came across this essay about the Kibera slum in Nairobi. It talks about a 5'11, 160 pound redhaired demon with brown spots all over it that terrorizes the slum. I was actually thinking of doing some service after college like you, because you are my idol. Actually no, David Hasselhoff is my idol, but you are a close second. Actually no, it's David Hasselhoff and then Roseanne, but you're by every means a close third."
--Jimmy Byrne
(Hey that's really funny Jimmy. You should just bag college and hit the road as a stand up comic. Hey remember when we were younger and I used to make you eat dirt and then beat you up until you cried? Man, those were the days)
13) "P.S. Always remember the wise words of Patrick Swayze, 'Nobody puts baby in the corner.'"
--Pat McKeever
(Speaking of Patrick Swayze, if anyone wants to see McKeever's impression of Swayze's dance number from Dirty Dancing, go to the Ocean Drive in Sea Isle on any Saturday afternoon for happy hour and look for a pathetic loser either dancing by him self or grinding with Sean Heenan)
14) "Iowa pretty much sucks. But things could be worse, I could be LIVING IN AFRICA." --Mike Albert Frank
(thanks for the support Mikey boy)
15) "Guess what? Everyone still goes down to Sea Isle and acts like drunken idiots. It's like, 'hey guys you wanna relax with a few beers?' 'Nah, we'd rather drink until someone pukes, then throw McStravog through a plate glass window.' Ahh to be 17.... ooo wait we're 24."
--Delaware County Rock Icon Matt Johnsen
(I see Sea Isle hasn't changed a bit)
16) "I read your blog and was trying to think of something funny to write so you would put it up and people would be like, "I saw what you wrote on Keller's blog, that was really funny." And I would be like, "YEA THAT WAS FUNNY."
--Kevan "Baby Mullet" Iffrig
(2 shoutouts on one blog post? Consider yourself famous Brospeh)
17) "Yo Keller,
Schlegel told me about the blog this weekend so I wanted to toss you an email and see how you are doing. The blog has been hilarious and I can't wait to keep reading about your exploits in Kenya. Hopefully as an athletic instructor your doing your best Kevin Bacon and showing the trademark Jimmy Doolan Shake and Bake move that revolutionized the game in rural Africa. In the mean time, I thought I would fill you in on some happenings back home
1.The shore is pretty decent. Leo Muldoon is still dominating the happy hour scene, but without the random Keller and T. Nowlan sightings, Sea Isle just isn't living up to last year
2. They opened a McGillicuddy's in Manayunk. We go randomly on Thursday nights. They sell alrge bottles of Golden Monkey--which you need to remember for my next point......
3. Hepp and I found out that when Dijulia drinks and you remind him of wetting the bed, he will wet the bed 99% of the time. Needless to say, when we are out and John drinks, we will most certainly bring it up. This fact has led to him wetting Kelly's bed close to 15 times so far in 2007. Various Friday morning text messages include:
"April Showers bring May flowers, but Thursday nights bring Bed Showers"
and
"It's pouring outside now. It was raining in Kelly's bed last night at about 4am"
4. Hepp still looks great when reminding John he wets the bed....
5. Mayhew is moving to Boston for work and to go to BC for grad school. This led him to commit the idea of completely changing who he is. When in Boston, he will no longer be called Patrick, but will go by the name 'Boston Rick'. He will wear sunglasses, regardless the time of day. He will run marathons and do charity work--or at least tell people he does. He said that we can only visit if we refer to him as 'Boston Rick', so noody has any idea of his previous life.
6. McKeever loves to dance in Sea Isle.....especially by himself. He looks like an idiot
7. Finally, Keith has almost been arrested twice in Sea Isle in the month of July. First, for fighting bouncers at the Springfield after they wouldn't let him bring his drink into the bathroom (a long standing rule at the Springfield that has never been a problem before). Second, for kicking flowers off a grave by the Sea Isle library. Both times my roomates looked at him with unmatched disdain.
Seriously though, what you are doing over there is awesome. I wish I had the guts to do something like that. We're all proud of you back here. keep up the good work and keep living the dream."
--Tim "Shags" O'Shaughnesy
(That email was so good I had to put it all on. Shags, tell "Boston Rick" he will always be the third biggest slob of all-time, right behind Quinn and McCafferty)
Swahili Lesson
Here are some Swahili phrases that I have used regularly since coming to Kenya
1) Swahili: Jina langu ni Brian
Translation: "My name is Brian."
(I tell anyone I meet that my name is Brian. Most Kenyans don't know Ryan, so they either call me Brian or Riel. So I chose Brian)
2) Swahili:Ninatoka Marekani, lakini hakuna, si jui 50 Cent. Ndiyo, Ninapena Obama.
Translation: "I am from America, but no, I do not know 50 Cent. Yes, I like Obama.
(When I tell people that I am from the US, the first two questions usually asked is if I personally know 50 Cent, and if I am going to vote for Democratic candidate Barrack Obama, whose father is a member of the celebrated Luo tribe of Kenya)
3) Swahili: Polle sana, Si na pesa
Translation: "I am very sorry, I have no money."
(most often-used phrase)
4) Swahili: Mimi ni mwananchi Kenya. Si taki bei ya mtallee
Translation: "I am a resdient of Kenya. I don't want tourist price."
(This is used when I am trying to buy something and the vendor is trying to rip me off because
he thinks I am a Muzungu tourist)
5) Swahili: Tafadhali usinisumbue
Translation: "Please stop bothering me."
(I say this to that one guy who is hassling me no matter where I go. There is alwasy someone with something to say. You'd be suprised how many times it has worked. Usually the guy stops making fun of me because he is speechless at the fact that someone who looks like me can actually speak swahili)
6) Swahili: Usiogope!
Translation: "Do not be afraid!"
(second most-used phrase. I say this one to all the young children that I have made run away crying at the sight of my red quasi-mullet, which at this point has to number in the tens of thousands)
7) Swahili: Wewe ni mzuri sana, lakini mimi ni priest
Translation: "You are very beautiful, but I am a priest."
(I say this to the Kenyan girls who try to flirt with me when we go out. It's much nicer and easier than saying "polle sana, si na pesa")
8) Swahili: Hapana asante buana, niko sawa
Translation: "No thank you sir, I am ok"
(this phrase is used when I get asked, "Hey white man, you want to buy some Bob Marley cigarettes?")
9) Swahili: Mimi ni Peter Crouch
Translation: "I am Peter Crouch."
(Peter Crouch plays football for English Premier League powerhouse Liverpool. He is tall, gangly, lanky, oafy, and squirrelly. And every Kenyan thinks that i am him, so i tell them what they want to hear)
10) Swahili: John Kiely hawana warafiki
Translation: "John Kiely doesn't have friends"
(pretty self-explanatory)
11) Swahili: Rafiki yangu, Tommy Nowlan, hawapendi kuoga
Translation: "My friend, Tommy Nowlan, doesn't like to take showers."
(Ok, I don't really say this one that often, but it's definitely true)
And before I go.......
Happy Birthday Mom.
I love ya and I miss you very much
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